Lonely on the Holidays: 2020 Edition
It’s Christmas Day and I woke up feeling utterly alone in my studio apartment with nothing to look forward to on the big day. My school friends were with their families and my best friend had plans with her significant other and family, none of which included me, and I started feeling dejected and frustrated with the situation. I have lived in Colorado for 5 years and although I’ve floated in and out of a variety of friend groups during my time here, I still haven’t found my tribe. When would I have a community of loved ones that felt like home?
So I did what I always do when I feel alone: I called my parents. I talked to my mom who encouraged me to invite people over next year and that despite living in a studio apartment, I could make it work. She said that in her friend group she’s always the one who has to invite people over in order to get people together. I spoke with my dad who told me that once I graduate and start working in my chosen industry that I will meet like-minded people who can be part of my tribe. He said that maybe I would need to be the one who brought people together. I then spoke with my grandma who lives alone and, outside of her weekly trip to the grocery store, has been quarantined since the beginning of COVID. She said she was feeling lonely too, but that she was making a big feast for herself, that the sun was out, and that she had so much to be grateful for. They all told me they loved me. I also texted my aunt, cousins, sister, and friends to wish them a Merry Christmas and they all texted back wishing me well and saying they missed me.
It’s so strange that what started off as the loneliest Christmas I have had in awhile, turned into a day where I feel the most connected than I ever have simply because I reached out to the people in my life and told them how much I love them. No, I don’t have a tribe here in Colorado, not yet anyway, but I do have people who love and care about me who are all across the country and that’s pretty special.
For all those who are lonely today in the middle of a pandemic during the most wonderful time of the year, just know that you are loved and know you are not alone. As painful as it feels in the moment, this feeling of loneliness will pass and there is hope for a happier, more connected future, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. And if you are feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or unseen-I see you, I love you, and there are other people who love you too.
So do something special for yourself today whether that’s getting outside, taking a bath, listening to top 40s Christmas music, watching Elf, or making a delicious meal-just know that you can be both loved and alone on the holiday.
